Wednesday, February 6, 2013

A need to be needed...

As Valentine's Day approaches we all begin to think more about love and our marriages.  I see a lot of cute crafts and decorating out there on the web.  Pintrest is a bustle with cards and romantic meals... I love it!  I think we need to focus on love and marriage a lot more often than we do.

That's why for the past few days, and for the next few days this blog will be focusing on marriages - particularly, what husbands need from their wives. 

Ladies, I could write post after post about what women want and what women need - but in honestly, we already know that.  We know what WE need from our husbands - but we don't seem to have a clue what our husbands need from us. And in the biblical definition, we were created to be a help-meet.  That means we are to fulfill our role as their helper, their support, their comfort.  Marriages are falling apart at an ever-alarming rate, and the world doesn't have much hope to offer.  

Hopefully, during this topic-series, you'll find ways to strengthen your marriage gain insight into your husband's needs.

Speaking of needs.  I asked another man I know what he needed most from his wife.  This couple has been married for more than 35 years.  Here's what he told me...

"The most important thing I need from [my wife] is for her to need me and spend time with me. 

Over the years we have come to understand each other’s strengths, and to give value to each other by supporting each other with those strengths. [She] has thought me to have a short term memory when it comes to difficulties, and a long term memory when it comes to good times. That is why we are best of friends."

Amazing - after 35+ years, the most important thing to this man is to still be needed.  Yes, he talks about spending time, too, and focusing on strengths...but the most important thing to him is to be needed.

Do you need your husband?  What ways do you need him?  Maybe he's a doer.  Do you need him to open the pickle jar?  Do you need him to hang a picture?  Maybe he's emotionally supportive.  Do you need him to listen?  Do you need him to provide guidance?

My father left when I was nine years old.  If something at our house needed done my mother did it.  She mowed the lawn, she painted the house, she fixed the lawn mower.  I remember being 15 years old, shutting off the breaker box and replacing a light switch.  I learned fierce independence from example.  That can be a good thing, but when you marry a man who needs to be needed, maybe not so much.

Are you an independent woman married to a man who needs to be needed?  If so, what ways can you nurture that need in your husband?

Take away:
1) Observe your husband.  How can you "need" him in a non-threatening way, in a way that doesn't give him another to-do task?

2) Let him know you need him.  A gentle hug and a whisper of, "I love you and I need you in my life" can reinforce this in your marriage.

3) Remember how you felt when you were dating.  Remember needing just to be with him.  Remember and remind him that you still need him - just to be near you.

Only By His Grace,


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